just another week in paradise

Hey there, sorry i havent been in contact in a while ive been super busy, and to be frank im in australia and dont wanna spend time on the internet haha. So basically we are a week and a half in things are cool, i live in a house with 10 other guys, but its cool because we all have a heart that is seeking God, so there is barely any confrontation. Things in Oz are cool, its been raining quite a bit lately but its a nice break from boiling hot. I will try and upload some photos soon. but more importantly...

Spiritual Update.
Things are frustrating and confusing now, but ill start at the beginning of the week. I went to a church called Goodlife in maroochydore. I sat down, and things were cool its a great church so far, and basically right away the pastor mentioned there would be a baptism today. And God was very clearly like, youre getting baptized today. and i was talking to him, and arguing because i was scared, because thats a public declaration of this world and heaven and hell, that i have given my life to christ and i will follow him. So i was just sitting in church not listening to the message and just looking through my bible and i was like something in here has gotta prove im not ready, and of course, classic baptism story the eunuch and phillip. There is water why shouldnt i be baptised? ya, so i was like, crap. and as the sermon past they were like we are going down to the pool and you can come and witness the baptism. so I got up, heart beating out of my chest nervous, and Jesus was just walking down the stairs beside me, and giving me peace and he said you wont have to do anything, you will be called upon and the spirit will answer for you. so of course the pastor is like does anyone else yada yada.. and of course God raised my hand. and i got baptized. Later that night God was like k, now come spend some time alone with me. so i went down to the beach. umm, basically it was an experience beyond words the best i can do, is God gripped me, and showed me the littlest bit of his power, which was unbearable. he just spoke into my life, and it was beautiful. and gradually he told me more and more and i was just with him. eventually i broke down and God was holding life in his hands, but to truly live is to die, and i had to die to this world and grab the life God had for me, which was hard, as well as God being there so was satan, and he fed me lies like you cant make that choice youll just fail, youll never amount to what God wants you to be. but jesus was there also encouraging me, and he wouldnt stop and i broke down and literally raised my hands to grab my life, and the glory of God was shown, i lost all feeling in my arms, and they were shaking, i could visualy see myself grab the life God gave me, and right after my legs gave out and i fell to the ground. and God was with me, he was there, it was so apparent. and ya than days after i was feeling good, and what not, but lately these past few days God was just like teaching me lessons and hard ones to take... he gave me a vision of this house, the house was the man God wanted me to be, and i saw it and it was completed, than God showed me i had been decieved and that it was an illusion, Jesus was beside the house and he was just starting to build my house, and he invited me to help. and satan had used my being "done growing" as an illusion to keep me from working on my house. and more recently God has been teaching me a lesson so often taught but never grasped. You cant earn your way to heaven. Im killing myself trying to live as a christian who just spends all this time with God and always doing what i think he wants, but im trying to feel like i deserve my salvation because of my works. But i can never earn my salvation, he jsut gave it to me, and i dont like that feeling because its love, its intimacy, its everything im scared to know in the fullest way, to be given everything for nothing, even more to be given everything and doing everything to not deserve it. And im fighting Gods love, and its a battle everyday to see that i will never ever earn it. God just is being relentless and its exactly what i asked him to be. i asked him to break me everyday so that when he builds me ill never go back. and i cant see his works 90% of the time, but im sure when this ends, i will see the fruits of Gods labour.

⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. - Ephesians 2: 8-9

Hey there, sorry its been awhile i planned to do this more often but wifi is somewhat scarce, plus in reality i dont care for spending to much time on the web. So a quick update, i arrived safely, everything went well, virgin airlines is the greatest. I caught a bus to my destination and the first day felt like an eternity, it was incredibly hot, but i met all the guys and then we explored the town and it was incredible. now we are in day 2 and things are awesome the house is cramped but it is a great community.

For a more spiritual update, things are moving and moving big! just on the plane God was pumping me up, my spirit was literally set free, i had supressed it for so long and just like that God released it. I was so stuck and i realized how blind i had been, how the enemy convinced me thats how it was, his way. But when God broke the chains i realized what i was missing all the time. day 2 came and things got even better we had a worship session in the morning and it was so good for my spirit. God is just breaking the walls by the hour that the devil had spent months building. Its so easy to get caught in the mentality that your world is the world, and in the same sense, what you know is all there is. for me that was like seeing God and experiencing christianity and saying this is it. this is all there is, this is what a relationship looks like, this is christianity, this is it, and than block it off, and mark it out so my mind can comprehend, and place it somewhere, but the spirit is ridiculous, and its impossible to explain, but its like if you truly let it loose it cant be contained, and you feed it, and you keep seeking, there are no borders, its crazy.

  "And these are but the outer fringe of his works; 
   how faint the whisper we hear of him! 
   Who then can understand the thunder of his power?” Job 26:14